The Look That Changed Everything

For a few months now I have been trying to pin point the moment that everything changed.  The moment that broke me and I decided that I needed to change my life.  My fiance' Tim says that our trip to Arkansas over Memorial Day weekend was the turning point.  Something on the plane ride home changed something in me. I have been thinking and thinking about this and then it finally hit me a few days ago.

The back story to get to this story is important.  You see my mother has two siblings.  My Aunt Angela and my Uncle Albee.  Angela is not a part of the family.  She is not someone that I want to have in my life and I am pretty sure she does not want me in hers.  I have not spoken to her in 20 years.  My Uncle on the other hand is a wonderful addition to my life. My mother practically raised him when he was younger and pretty much considered his sons grandsons.  

 My mother was a funny, bold, intelligent, and loving person.  She loved everyone but she really did not love herself.  She never took care of physical being.  She ate what she wanted and I don't ever remember her exercising.  She could walk for miles when she was feeling great but she was in pain.  Eventually she had diabetes and she died at age 56.  Only 12 years older then I am now.  When she died I know my Uncle was devastated.  I know he misses her and thinks of her all the time.

On this trip to Arkansas we went to his home and visited for a few hours.  It was this visit that changed my life.  We drove up the music store where he teaches and I got out of the car.  I saw the look on his face.  I know he did not mean to make a face and I am sure he did not even know he did it but it was there.  In a millisecond his face said it all.  I look a lot like my mother and I can only think that he saw his sister in my large, round face. And the look was a look of fear.  I did not think of it at the time but it stuck with me in my subconsciousness.  On the plane ride home, I saw the look again. To me I saw Albee see his dead sister in my obese body.  I knew on the plane I did not want to die.  I did not want my brother to miss his sister.  I can't control what will happen to me as I go through life but I can control what I eat and how much I weight.  My brother deserves to have his sister for more then just the next 12 years.  And my Uncle needs to have me around to remember the good things about his sister in my health and long life.

He won't know he saved my life until he reads this blog post.  When we see each other next at my wedding party in July, the after of the photo posted here will be a moment of love and health.  Which we both deserve and I will forever thank him for giving me a look that changed my life.