The Feeling of Defeat

For the first time in this weight loss journey I felt a bit of defeat this weekend.  I should probably not feel this way since I have lost over 60 pounds so far on this journey.  I should feel good about things all the time.  But sometimes I don't feel that way.  Sometimes I feel frustrated by the process.  Here is why.

I don't know how to dress anymore.  Seriously.  I don't.  I have lost a lot of inches in my waist and hips but not so much in my stomach.  My spare tire is more prominent then it has ever been.  It will be the last area that will slim down.  I know this.  The notion that you lose weight in certain places is not accurate.  You lose weight all around but the thinner spots look thinner faster.  So that is why my face looks thinner.  And probably my hips and waist. 

Trying on clothes this weekend was a mess.  I am resolved to the idea that I will have to continue to buy larger size for my tops then my bottoms.  I want to shop in stores that don't have plus in its title.  I really want to make that leap but not yet.  I did have a small victory.  I went in to the Tommy Hilfiger store and was able to put on a pair of their size 18s.  I could not button them but I pulled them up which was something.  It will be a while until I can wear those.

I know that this is only temporary.  My body will get where it needs to go.  I will make it.  How can I not?  There is nothing I want more then to reach this goal.  Everyday I hear from the women on my Facebook group that are inspired by little old me.  I never thought I could do that for anyone but myself.  I can't let them down but more importantly I cannot let myself down.  The feeling of defeat will pass as it always does.  I cannot let it take over my internal thoughts.  I will move on.  My body will change.  And that is a good thing.